that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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