well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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