the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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