Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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