help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
