I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Life is so much better after having sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
