Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
