he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
