what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
