FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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