I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
