why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
