Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
