she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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