3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
