Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
