Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
