how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
