I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
