and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
