Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
