i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
