don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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