I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
