Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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