I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
