well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My Higher Power is John Stamos
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sext me about skeletons
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
