just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
