At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
