Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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