Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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