I wanna passion pit in your ass
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
