Don't you send me to vm
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
