Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
