I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
