hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
