I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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