What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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