does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
