Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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