Apparently you make a good broom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
