Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
