I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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