I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
