Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We left the knife in your bed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
