dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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