oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
