If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
