we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
