help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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