Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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