I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
