does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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