U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
