last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
