Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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