Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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