Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
