Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
