Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
