WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All the doctor said was why
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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